A New visitor(new and improved)
by titus935
Summary: A native teen goes to the wondrous town of Gravity Falls Oregon, and meets two twins. Warning M for awesome teenager stuff. Review. P.S private message me for concerns, questions, suggestions, Or if you just need to bug me. Each chapteris a new problem (technically).
1. Chapter 1: I Hate Planes

I was on a plane, a flying death machine. I never trusted planes especially with all of the dangers while on board. I drew as my enemies call it "stupid, little, and worthless doodles". We landed and I grabbed my cap and my backpack. I walked outside. I got tired of waiting and began walking. After about fifteen minutes I came across a two-story building. It said Mystery Hack on it. I walked to it and opened the door. I saw some old dude talking to a group of people and a kid, maybe nine or ten picking their pockets. I laughed and remembered when I picked pockets. A girl said hello and I got so scared that I fell backwards and fell down like five steps. The world started to spin and I seen stars. I got up, rubbed my head, and looked around. I seen the girl and she said she was Mabel despite that she basically knocked me out. I said my name and I went with her she introduced me to her brother, buddy, and "man friend" which we did get a long pretty well. After my trip was over I had to leave in a plane bigger then a bush plane but smaller then one of those fancy-people jets. We took off but shortly after I heard a put put put and we were losing altitude. I put my hood over my face and began to cry. I heard the screeching of metal and nothing else. I woke up and couldn't believe my luck. I unbuckled my belt and looked over. There were dead people scattered around. I got sick to my stomach and I ran outside behind a tree and started to puke. I wasn't hurt that much but I did bang my head a little too hard. I looked in the cargo of the plane and looked for supplies. I found a rifle with about 150 rounds, beef jerky, some water bottles, flint and steel, a compass, some fuel from the engine, a pistol with 10 rounds with it, some duct tape, a flare, some sleeping bags, and a tent. I began walking and made a little camp site and made a fire. I sat at the fire and began to cry. I missed my friends. I stomped the fire out and began walking again. I dug in my pockets for something to fiddle around with and I found my camera. I taped it to my shoulder and I began recording. I was pretending to be a space commando. It was around midnight and I made camp. I woke up refreshed and I got back to walking. I walked for the entire day and I finally got back at 10. I was so fatigued and I went to that Mystery Hack place. I looked in and seen that old dude crying, eating ice cream and watching an old lady show. I chuckled and I sat outside and put on my trusty ski-mask on and waited. After about an hour he was passed out on the couch. I picked the lock and crept through the hallways. I saw a stair case leading into an attic. I figured out nobody would stay in there and I stowed away for the night. I saw a bed and another one. I stepped on a creaky board and Mabel (I think) woke up and asked who's there. I got scared and ran to the window, busted through it, and grabbed on to the side. I hoisted myself up and climbed to the top of the building and seen the perfect place to stay. I climbed down and laid down looking at the stars. I think I seen a constellation or something like that. I passed out.  
I woke up to the smell of pancakes. How much I loved pancakes (even though I only tried them once). I looked in the attic and seen nobody was in there and I climbed in. I heard stepping and I hid myself in the corner. I waited and seen that old dude. He grunted and left. I left the shadows and dug in the cupboards. I found a dollar and a bunch of dust. I looked outside and seen a man, maybe in his mid- twenties walking. He had a mustache and a beard. He looked very much like me(in my opinion). He wore navy blue cargo shorts and a black t-shirt. I heard steps and hid myself in the shadows. That girl (mind went completely blank right there) came up looked in my general area and went to the cupboard. She ran downstairs and questioned if anybody knew were her dollar was. I giggled like a girl and looked surprised and slapped myself for that. I walked to the closet and looked for some stuff. All I found was clothes to my surprise.  
I began walking and I jumped down to the pine tree. The branch fell and I was pretty sure I blacked out for a second. "Damn that fucking hurt" I said before getting up. I looked behind me and seen that boy. "You sweared" he said with a shocked expression. "What, you never heard a swear before" I said with a bit of attitude. "Y-y-yes" he said with the fear in his eyes. "Well you shouldn't be blabbing your mouth over it" I said back to him.  
I walked to the front of the building and knocked on the door. "Who is it "almost-girl like voice asked. "It's Destano(nickname of awesomeness)" I said back. She gasped and jumped out. "I thought you left" she almost yelled at me. "Well guess again, the plane crashed on the way there. I'm the only survivor" I said back to her. "She giggled, shoved my shoulder, and said "no your just lying". "No I'm not". "Yes you are". That continued until she finally gave up. "You were really in a plane crash" she asked. I nodded. She screamed and ran to her brother. "I guess I'm going to head into town" I randomly said to myself. I began walking. I got into town and went to the store which only said "store" on it.  
I went back to that place and knocked on the door again. The old dude came out and I said "hello dude". He cut me off right there and said "don't call me dude". "Well ok sir is there any job openings available" I asked him. "Well yes there is my boy" he said with great glee. I was assigned as a handy man. It suited me because I used to fix stuff for my dad when I was younger.  
As we were walking through the forest a little dude jumped out at me and began clawing it up. "Is this thing humping me" I yelled out loud while trying to get it off.  
"Faster Destin faster" Mabel was yelling at me. "Ok I'll do my best" I gasped to her. "Come on I know you can go faster than this" Mabel basically yelled in my ears. "Oh man I think I just went too far there" I managed to gasp out. I finally completed the course (to town, around d town, and back o the shack). What did you think I was doing you sicko. I grabbed my cap and began walking to the shack. "Oh man I think I just popped my lungs back there" I gasped out while lying down on the musty floor. Dipper looked down and just shrugged. I got back up and put my sweater and cap back on. I put my back pack on and went outside. "Ah. Another day for adventure" I said like a explorer of a foreign country. Dipper and Mabel both said "can we come" in unison. I rubbed my forehead and said "ok just don't talk that loud I'm going exploring".


	2. Chapter 2: I don't like diabetes

I got a freaking computer for Christmas and I will be updating a lot more commonly. and thanks for everybody who read this. I am extremely tired because it is Alaskan time so crazy shit may(excuse my French) come out of the main characters mouth so don't bother me that much.

We were walking. "Wait up I need to tie my shoes" Dipper yelled out to me. I sat down and pulled my bowey knife out of the left side of my backpack. "Ever used one of these before" I asked Mabel. "No but I want to learn" she said with her enthusiastic smile. Like anyone would she had the blade upwards. "No way your going to fight like that women" I said to her angrily. I showed her to correctly hold the knife by holding the back side of the blade to your wrists. She began wildly swinging it at a tree. "God damn it you don't swing like that I'll show you" I said even angrier. I showed her a move by my dad by slashing left and then right and then thrusting it forward. "Can I keep this one" Mabel asked with puppy eyes. "No. But you can have this one" I said before pulling a switchblade out and handing it to her. She began wildly slashing the air and cut me on the cheek. "Ow fuck don't swing that at me" I yelled at her. We continued on and I felt a rumble. I looked down and the ground gave out. I grabbed a hold of Mable and positioned her so that she would land on me. I hit the ground with a thud and I looked up and Mable my on my chest. I shoved her off and got back up. I pulled a flashlight out of my right pocket and began scanning the area. As I hit a wall with the light hundreds of lights illuminated and I yelled "run". We began running and I felt a bunch of sharp pains in my back. We finally got out and I looked at my back. Nearly 24 small arrows littered my back. "Oh shit" I whispered. We continued back to town. A bunch of people were staring at my back.  
"Ow fuck I hate acupuncture" I screamed in agony while Mabel was pulling the barbed arrows out of my back. After I was done I was sore as a mother fucker and I laid down. I prayed to god and thanked him none of those arrows did any fatal damage to me. I was then passed out. I woke up in the middle of the night to a bang. Then another one. "Are you two fucking up there" I asked to Mable and Dipper. It couldn't have been them because they were both passed out and on their beds. I got up and pulled my bowey knife out of my bag. I then layed down and passed out again. I woke up to a sudden weight on my chest. I got up and relised that both of the twins had stepped on me. I got up and went down stairs. I sat down at the table. "How did you sleep last night" Mable asked Dipper. He shrugged and Mable asked the same question. "As ok as a weasel in a fire pit" I said making the ok sign. I got up and went outside without any breakfast. I pulled the picture of my seventh grade "crush" out and smiled at it. "What do you got there" Mable yelled into my ear. I felt the ringing in my ears and said"n-nbody"  
I went into the forest again and I pulled my steel cross out and stuck it into the ground. I began praying. Mable jumped onto my back and I jumped up and ran like a mother fucker. "Mable not cool" I said to Mable in a joking manner. I went back and I picked my cross out of the ground. As I was getting up Dipper also jumped on my back. I flung him off and I said"you do that again and I will bury you alive".  
I was sitting around drinking a grape soda. I looked at the can and than the tv. A diabetes commercial telling about diabetes. I looked down at the soda and tossed it out of the window. "Ahh I'm bored" I said out randomly. I put my boots, coat, back pack, and cap on and went outside. "Ahh I'm still bored" I said slapping my face. I began running ad climbing tree. I nervously lifted myself on a branch and stood up. I looked to another jump and did a leap of faith(not the assassin creed suicide jump). I basically lost all of my kids and I fell off the branch. I just barely grabbed on to a branch. I let go and fell about ten feet to the ground. "Ow fuck. Last time I'm going parkour-ing" I said to myself. I limped back to the shack and waited. Mable and Dipper cane in covered in leaves, slightly bloody, and bruised up. Stan looked up and asked"you two got hit by a bus" and began laughing like a maniac. The twins just looked back and walked away. Stan looked down and said" hey you knuckle heads want so We were walking. "Wait up I need to tie my shoes" Dipper yelled out to me. I sat down and pulled my bowey knife out of the left side of my backpack. "Ever used one of these before" I asked Mabel. "No but I want to learn" she said with her enthusiastic smile. Like anyone would she had the blade upwards. "No way your going to fight like that women" I said to her angrily. I showed her to correctly hold the knife by holding the back side of the blade to your wrists. She began wildly swinging it at a tree. "God damn it you don't swing like that I'll show you" I said even angrier. I showed her a move by my dad by slashing left and then right and then thrusting it forward. "Can I keep this one" Mabel asked with puppy eyes. "No. But you can have this one" I said before pulling a switchblade out and handing it to her. She began wildly slashing the air and cut me on the cheek. "Ow fuck don't swing that at me" I yelled at her. We continued on and I felt a rumble. I looked down and the ground gave out. I grabbed a hold of Mable and positioned her so that she would land on me. I hit the ground with a thud and I looked up and Mable my on my chest. I shoved her off and got back up. I pulled a flashlight out of my right pocket and began scanning the area. As I hit a wall with the light hundreds of lights illuminated and I yelled "run". We began running and I felt a bunch of sharp pains in my back. We finely got out and I looked at my back. Nearly 24 small arrows littered my back. "Oh shit" I whispered. We continued back to town. A bunch of people were staring at my back.  
"Ow fuck I hate acupuncture" I screamed in agony while Mabel was pulling th barbed arrows out of my back. After I was done I was sore as a mother fucker and I laid down. I prayed to god and thanked him none of those arrows did any fatally damage to me. I was then passed out. I woke up in the middle of the night to a bang. Then another one. "Are you two fucking up there" I asked to Mable and Dipper. It couldn't have been them because they were both passed out and on their beds. I got up and pulled my bowey knife out of my bag. I then layed down and passed out again. I woke up to a sudden weight on my chest. I got up and relised that both of the twins had stepped on me. I got up and went down stairs. I sat down at the table. "How did you sleep last night" Mable asked Dipper. He shruged and Mable asked the same question. "As ok as a weasel in a fire pit" I said making the ok sign. I got up and went outside without any breakfast. I pulled the picture of my seventh grade "crush" out and smiled at it. "What do you got there" Mable yelled into my ear. I felt the ringing in my ears and said"n-nbody"  
I went into the forest again and I pulled my steel cross out and stuck it into the ground. I began praying. Mable jumped onto my back and I jumped up and ran like a mother fucker. "Mable not cool" I said to Mable in a joking manner. I went back and I picked my cross out of the ground. As I was getting up Dipper also jumped on my back. I flung him off and I said"you do that again and I will bury you alive".  
I was sitting around drinking a grape soda. I looked at the can and than the tv. A diabetes commercial telling about diabetes. I looked down at the soda and tossed it out of the window. "Ahh I'm bored" I said out randomly. I put my boots, coat, back pack, and cap on and went outside. "Ahh I'm still bored" I said slapping my face. I began running ad climbing tree. I nervously lifted myself on a branch and stood up. I looked to another jump and did a leap of faith(not the assassin creed suicide jump). I basically lost all of my kids and I fell off the branch. I just barely grabbed on to a branch. I let go and fell about ten feet to the ground. "Ow fuck. Last time I'm going parkour-ing" I said to myself. I limped back to the shack and waited. Mable and Dipper cane in covered in leaves, slightly bloody, and bruised up. Stan looked up and asked"you two got hit by a bus" and began laughing like a maniac. The twins just looked back and walked away. Stan looked down and said" hey you knuckle heads want something at the gift shop".  
I was walking and pulled my glock that I "borrowed" from a corpse. "Man this is a awesome gun" I said to myself. I went back to cave and pulled a flare out. "Come out you sons of bitches" I was saying nervously. I went to were we fell through. I threw a flare down and basically the entire room lit up. I shot at the first noise and felt a bunch of those arrows pierce my flesh. Praying and spraying. I didn't have the right equipment and I went to the junk yard. I made a suitable chest plate and a shield made from wooden blanks that had nails in it. "Aha now I'm ready" I said t myself. I pulled my glock and bowey knife out. "Oh now your in for a surprise you sons of bitches" I said with a grin. I pulled another flare out and I threw it down. It lit up every nook and cranny and I saw all of those damn etes again. I felt an arrow hit the top of my head and I began to kill them. I grabbed an improvised Molotov cocktail and lobbed it at my enemy. I heard screeches and seen them fleeing. "Hehehe you basterds are lucky I didn't have an Ak 47" I said to them. I walked out and looked at the clip. "One bullet left. Hmm I guess that's why they say save one bullet" I said to myself. I put all of my supplies back into the pack and I went back to the shack.  
"Look at that booty" I said to Dipper while we were watching a tourist session. He didn't even move. The guy that I thought was a women turned around and it was a guy. "Holy fuck it's a guy" I yelled before falling backwards on the chair I was sitting on. Dipper began laughing like he was the Joker and I got up and went outside holding a can of Doctor Pepper. I threw it half way across the bench into the trash. "Oh snap two pointer" I yelled out loud.  
I got up and went outside. The twins followed. "Why the hell do you guys follow me all of the time" I asked to them. They both shrugged. They began slapping each other. "What are you guys doing" I asked. "Were playing tag" both of them said in unison. "What's tag" I asked them. "Wait. You never played tag before" Dipper asked. "Does it look like this face is lying" I asked them. They both shook there head. "Well tag is were you have to touch the other players and there it" Dipper said. Then he put his palm on Mabel's face. "Like that" he said. "Ok I'll try" I said to him. He took one step and I did it. He fell onto his pants. "Man I didn't hit you that hard" I said to him. "Well what do you think I'm half your size" he yelled at me. I couldn't help but chuckle and walk off. As I was walking I heard the commotion of them playing "tag". I looked back and they both sprinted after me. After all I had longer legs, better stamina, and I actually worked out once in a while (big surprise) so I outran both of them in about two seconds.  
I was just randomly sitting around being bored. "Come here Dipper" I said to him. "Let me check that book out" I said to him. He began to sweat and said "nope". "C'mon you can let me see" I said trying to encourage him to hand the book over. "Your probably working for Gideon aren't you" he said. "Gideon. Who the hell is Gideon" I asked him. "He's a little physcopath who tried to kill us just two days ago" he said not even looking up at me. "Sounds a lot like my old girlfriend. She was just a year younger then me but she was slight taller then me. But man she was the hottest girl. I still remember the time" I said before Dipper cut me off. "Let me guess you two had sex" he said with an awkward looking smile. "No I was going to say the time she took a bullet for me. Yeah I still think it should have been me to have been shot. But yeah I hated her dad and he hated me" I said. "Well why did you hate him" Dipper asked. "Well first off he was the most racist mother fucker I ever met. Secondly he tried to kill me but just shot his daughter. Thirdly he stole a couple hundred dollars that I stole. Lastly he tried to kill my cousin Reggie" I said to him. "How was he being racist to you aren't you umm". "Come on spit it out" I said. "White" he said while closing his eyes. There was a lingering silence for a little then I fell to the ground laughing like there was no tomorrow. "You seriously think I'm white, I'm native man" I said before cracking up again. "Native" Dipper asked. "Well as the European said it Indian" I said before cracking up again for another ten minutes.  
We were walking through the forest and Mable asked "isn't it so beautiful". "Yeah sort of. Doesn't beat Alaska though" I said. "Alaska? Isn't that were the polar bears and Eskimos live" she asked me. "Why the fuck does everybody have to ask that. There is no polar bears. Only grizzly and black bears. It's like my town everybody thinks it's full of white but if you look a little closer you'll see it's actually full of black and brown" I said. "Do you understand" I asked her. "No I don't" she said. "Ok it's like this if you go to Fairbanks you will see a whole lot of white people. Bit if you actually see it there is more black and native people. So now do you get it" said to her. Thing at the gift shop".  
I was walking and pulled my glock that I "borrowed" from a corpse. "Man this is a awesome gun" I said to myself. I went back to cave and pulled a flare out. "Come out you sons of bitches" I was saying nervously. I went to were we fell through. I threw a flare down and basically the entire room lit up. I shot at the first noise and felt a bunch of those arrows pierce my flesh. Praying and spraying. I didn't have the right equipment and I went to the junk yard. I made a suitable chest plate and a shield made from wooden blanks that had nails in it. "Aha now I'm ready" I said t myself. I pulled my glock and bowey knife out. "Oh now your in for a surprise you sons of bitches" I said with a grin. I pulled another flare out and I threw it down. It lit up every nook and cranny and I saw all of those damn eyes again. I felt an arrow hit the top of my head and I began to kill them. I grabbed an improvised Molotov cocktail and lobbed it at my enemy. I heard screeches and seen them fleeing. "Hehehe you basterds are lucky I didn't have an ak 47" I said to them. I walked out and looked at the clip. "One bullet left. Hmm I guess that's why they say save one bullet" I said to myself. I put all of my supplies back into the pack and I went back to the shack.  
"Look at that booty" I said to Dipper while we were watching a tourist sesion. He didn't even move. The guy that I thought was a women turned around and it was a guy. "Holy fuck it's a guy" I yelled before falling backwards on the chair I was sitting on. Dipper began laughing like he was the Joker and I got up and went ouside holding a can of Docter Pepper. I threw it half way across the bench into the trash. "Oh snap two pointer" I yelled outloud.  
I got up and went outside. The twins followed. "Why the hell do you guys follow me all of the time" I asked to them. They both shrugged. They began slapping eachother. "What are you guys doing" I asked. "Were playing tag" both of them said in unison. "What's tag" I asked them. "Wait. You never played tag before" Dipper asked. "Does it look like this face is lying" I asked them. They both shook there head. "Well tag is were you have to touch the other players and there it" Dipper said. Then he put his palm on Mabel's face. "Like that" he said. "Ok I'll try" I said to him. He took one step and I did it. He fell onto his pants. "Man I didn't hit you that hard" I said to him. "Well what do you think I'm half your size" he yelled at me. I coudn't help but chuckle and walk off. As I was walking I heard the comotion of them playing "tag". I lookee back and they both sprinted after me. After all I had longer legs, better stamina, and I actualy worked out once in a while (big suprise) so I outran both of them in about two seconds.  
I was just randomly sitting around being bored. "Come here Dipper" I said to him. "Let me check that book out" I said to him. He began to sweat and said "nope". "C'mon you can let me see" I said trying to encourage him to hand the book over. "Your probaly working for Gideon arn't you" he said. "Gideon. Who the hell is Gideon" I asked him. "He's a little physcopath who tried to kill us just two days ago" he said not even looking up at me. "Sounds a lot like my old girlfriend. She was just a year younger then me but she was slighty taller then me. But man she was the hotest girl. I still remeber the time" I said before Dipper cut me off. "Let me guess you two had sex" he said with an awkward looking smile. "No I was going to say the time she took a bullet for me. Yeah I still think it should have been me to have been shot. But yeah I hated her dad and he hated me" I said. "Well why did you hate him" Dipper asked. "Well first off he was the most racist mother fucker I ever met. Secondly he tried to kill me but just shot his daughter. Thirdly he stole a couple hundred dollars that I stole. Lastly he tried to kill my cousin Reggie" I said to him. "How was he being racist to you arn't you umm". "Come on spit it out" I said. "White" he said while closing his eyes. There was a lingering silence for a little then I fell to the ground laughing like there was no tomarow. "You seriously think I'm white, I'm native man" I said before cracking up again. "Native" Dipper asked. "Well as the European said it indian" I said before cracking up again for another ten minutes.  
We were walking through the forest and Mable asked"isn't it so buetiful". "Yeah sort of. Dosn't beat Alaska though" I said. "Alaska? Isn't that were the polar bears and Eskimos live" she asked me. "Why the fuck does everybody have to ask that. There is no polar bears. Only grizly and black bears. It's like my town everybody thinks it's full of white but if you look a little closer you'll see it's actuly full of black and brown" I said. "Do you understand" I asked her. "No I don't" she said. "Ok it's like this if you go to Fairbanks you will see a whole lot of white people. Bit if you actualy see it there is more black and native people. So now do you get it" said to her.

If you are the first to read this chapter you win a digital cookie, so yay.


	3. Chapter 3: All Together now!

Authors note: Dear audience, two extremely depressing things happened to me. That's why I haven't made any new chapters for this... bad... terrible... fanfiction... So enjoy! PS. Sorry how long the chapters are.

As me and Mabel were talking a grey skinned mother fucker grabbed her. I yelled "get off of her you son of a bitch"  
I threw him off and shanked him. It as if he didn't feel it. He got up and bit me on the shoulder only to rip my precious sweater and make my shoulder bruise. I stabbed him in the eye socket. He fell down, dead. "Oh shit that smells like shit" I yelled out loud. Big mistake. About 50 more of those those things came "fuck".  
Me and Mabel were running through the forest. We finally made it back to the fields. I laid down in the fields. "lucky that mother fucker didn't bite me" I said to Mabel.I hid behind a boulder. I heard "Destin! You faggot get out of hiding!"

sounded like Dipper. He was walking by the boulder and Yelling my name. I grabbed him and covered his mouth. "shut the fuck up and be quiet"

I said to him. We heard a scream. I got up and ran to the source. Mabel was pinned down. I ran to him and uppercutted him. He flew off of her. He got up and grabbed me and pulled me in. I at least tried to resist but he was a tough motherfucker. "ahhhhh" a voice yelled before my attacker had the head off an a ax in the back of his head. I pushed it off. "hey girl" I said to Wendy.

"no problem" she said

She grabbed my hand and lifted me up to my feet. We began walking to town. "Mother fucker"

I seen one of those things chasing after a child that looked like Dipper. I bolted after him . The two cops were sitting around being lazy. It grabbed the child and lifted him to its mouth. The tacky officers tried to wrestle the kid from the creatures grasps. I ran up and grabbed the sheriff's revolver and shot the thing in the face. The officers were shocked but not as much as the child he ran away as his feet touched the concrete. The Deputy grabbed me and wrestled me to the ground. It seemed like he was going to rape me from his position. He cuffed me and lead me to his police cruiser. They took my bag and locked it in the trunk. I was in this one deep. "fuck" I said to the winow

"That is right" Durland said.

"you know what fuck you" I said to him.

"Just chill the fuck out you two" Blubs said.

We drove in silence until one of those things walked into the road and Blub's was taking a long sip from his coffee and Durland was fast asleep. I figured this to be a way out. I said nothing. SHABLAM! We hit it and wrecked into a ditch. I was out cold. I heard screams and gunshots but more of those things were coming. I blacked out again. I woke up in the middle of the night. I was hungry, thirsty, and confused. "what the fuck! Were am I!" I yelled outloud. I saw Durland laying on the ground. A trail of blood freaked me out the most. I was cuffed from behind and no ways of getting out. I tried to kick the window out. After five minutes the glass broke. I attempted to crawl out but instead I got stabbedin the chest"fuuucckkk"

I yelled in pain. I attempted once more and got out. I walked to Durland's body. I got low enough to reached the keys on his ass pocket. "okay this isn't what it seems" I said to him. I uncuffed myself and the trunk. There was my precious bag. I grabbed my tire iron and said"you complete me"

I heard a groan and seen Durland rise up from the ground. "don't make me tire iron you" I said to it.

He grabbed for me and I bashed his face in. Laying on the ground once again I kicked him. It wasn't much of a kick more of a nudge. He grabbed me and pulled me down and I hit my head against the cruiser. I was struggling to keep conscious. I managed to kick him away. I then stomped on his face. His brains were splattered on the ground. I seen Blub's crawl towards me without any legs. I stabbed him with the back end and then busted his head open with the front. He was dead. I went into the car and grabbed the shotty, revolver, rifle, and ammo. "hell yeah" I said

I walked all the way to the shack there was a couple things surrounding the shack. I drew my revolver and said "not today you basterds"

I bolted to the shack as fast as I could. After tackling one down I began beating its face to a pile of blood. One lurched at me. I countered it and through it to the ground. I bashed the back of its head open. I also stabbed one through the chin into its brain. There were little children things too. At first I though they were Mabel and Dipper until I realized that Mabel wasn't 4 inches taller then Dipper, she was only a millimeter by Soos's ruler. I bashed one in the face and the other I shot with the revolver. All of them were dead. "whew! finally" I said.

I went inside. nobody here. I went to the living room. Dead as those freaks out there. Kitchen? Nothing. I grabbed a meat cleaver out of the cupboard I got knocked out cold. "Oh fuck" I said out loud.

I got up and I seen Soos, Wendy, Dipper, and Mabel looking at me. "So What's the plan then" I asked them.

"get out there and fight those things out there" Dipper said.

"Who voted the kid as the president" I asked.

"Just the plan dude" Soos said.

"Let's roll" I said.

"were should we hit first" I asked.

" I think we should go check out the police station" Wendy said.

"Yeah I think that's a good idea" Mabel said.

"We should also check out the center of town. I seen a bunch of them heading towards there" I said.

"Okay, we ready to go" Soos asked.

We geared up on weapons. I had the shotgun and the meat cleaver. Soos had the rifle. Dipper had my glock. I had no idea why Mabel was coming but she had my bowey knife and revolver. Wendy had an ax and a sniper. We headed out for the police station. As we were walking there was about three off them. I crouched down and crawled over there. Soos had one of them with his scope. I had one with my cleaver. Wendy had her scopes on the last one. Slash!Bang!Bang! All three were dead. We continued to the station. We made it. I remembered I had the key from one of the police officers. I unlocked the door. In there were ten of them. We charged in and began shooting like Rambo. All were dead. I unlocked the armory. Shotguns, pistols, batons, and Riot armor. "Oh shit" I said. I Grabbed a couple of shotgun shells. Everybody just grabbed the armor. It was extremely cheap looking and would only probably fit me, Wendy, and Soos. "I think we could take all of it in case we meet any more friends" Dipper said.

"He's right" I said. We left and seen a van swerving down the road. It stopped in front of the place. A fat kid looked out the van and said"We got your status update Wendy"

"I guess we go with them" I said.

We all piled into the van and drove off. I seen Robbie. "Hey douche" I said to him.

He looked back at me and pulled a switch blade on me. "Woah you don't have to do that" Soos said

Robbie waved the knife in a threatening manner at Soos. Soos instantly backed down. I grabbed the sawed off in my pack and put it to Robbie's head. Everybody freaked out and we nearly crashed in to a pole. "Come on. You just brought a knife to a gun fight. I thought that was me and my ancestors job"

He dropped the tiny blade and looked forward again. Sweat dripping from his pale skin.

We drove into town and got dropped off. Me, Mabel, Dipper, Wendy, Soos, Nate, and Lee went to fight the undead. I pulled a molly out of my pack. It was pretty old, but it would most likely do. "Grenade out!" I yelled.

It was flying through the air and in an explosion it caught several of them on fire. We advanced into a firing line. We aimed, steadied the weapons, and fired. Only taking out a couple of them we changed tactics and just began firing like crazed men. I was the only one that wasn't waiting all of there ammo. It was because I had the shotty. After about two minutes we ran out of ammo. Or at least they did. "Fuck, out of ammo" Robbie yelled.

"Running low on gun juice" Dipper yelled.

"Guns running dry" Soos said after Dipper.

We all ran to the grocery store. I was the only one to split from the group. I ran to the sports section of the store and seen a wonderful sight. "Hey! Friends of minor use" I yelled at them.

There was baseball bats, crowbars, golf clubs, sledgehammers, baseball bats. Anything that could bash a brain in. I grabbed an ax. Soos grabbed a sledge hammer. Nate and lee both got a golf club each. Robbie had a little bitch gun. Mabel and Dipper grabbed a crowbar each. I decide to grab one too. "Now that I have this crowbar I could defend myself against a bar or a crow" I said to myself.

We ran to the front of the store. All of the dead were just crowded in the main entrance. I shot the last round into the glass. After it shattered all of them began pouring in. We were being bad ass zombie killers. There must of been twenty corpses at our feet. We began fleeing as soon as they grabbed me. I split its head in half and kicked its body away with the ax still lodged in its head. I ran back to the back of the little man store. "Oh shit! The door is locked" Robbie yelled. I began trying to pry the door open. "I think you should hold them back" Wendy said to me.

I nodded. "Robbie, little bitch gun. Now" I said to him.

He handed it over and I aimed at the little child zombie's head. I shot it. I only showed remorse for the living. Another one came around the corner. I shot it in the face. I heard a bang from the janitor's closet. The door busted down and it collapsed on me with seven zombies behind it. "This thing is crushing me" I gasped.

Soos and Wendy. Tried to lift it up but a zombie snapped at them. I shot a couple of them but ran out of ammo. One of them in the herd bit me on the hand. "Fuck" I yelled out. Wendy and Soos finally got the fucking door off of me. We ran to the alley way. "Okay you guys are going to have to lop this fucking arm off" I said to them.

"Why" Soos asked.

"Why don't we just do what he asks" Robbie said.

" I was fucking bit" I said to them.

They all gave a look of disbelief. Wendy never used her ax yet so it would have done just fine. "Put this through the door handles I said to Mabel. She obliged and did it. I laid my arm down on a pallet and backed my head away from were the ax was going. "Okay go as fast as you can" I said to her.

"And don't go-" I said before being cut off by Wendy's ax blade cutting into my arm.

"Fuuuuuccckckk" I yelled out loud. Mabel, Dipper, and Soos were hiding there eyes. "J-just keep going" I yelled at her. She chopped again sending chunks of flesh and bones flew into my face. She did an over-head chop and hit a couple inches in front of the original to gashes. "AHhhhh my arm" I quickly yelled out. She dropped the ax and went for the hatchet. She cut it off with one hack. I seen my arm off and then she put on a rag to stop all of the bleeding. I passed out from sheer fright . I awoke feeling as bad as you look (hehe Just kidding! Just kidding). "You were out for quite a while. We need to go" Wendy said.

I felt for my arm and guess what. It wasn't there anymore. " Oh fuck! I can still "feel" my fingers" I said.

We ran to the wall that separated us from death and life. I lifted everybody up the wall with my right and only arm. "What about you" Mabel asked. I'll be fine kiddo" I said to her.

I lifted her up the wall and slightly up-skirted her. A good image if I was going to die. I grabbed my hatchet from my pack and ran to the back of the alley. I seen a zombie, half eaten and holding a bunch of weapons in a pack. I stabbed it in the face and pulled out an UZI, another glock, a rifle, and a revolver. Also there was a whole hell of a lot ammo. I used the rifle and aimed at the crowbar. I shot it and it busted in half allowing them to come after me. I had the both packs on me. Mine was a duffel bag and the other one was a back pack. All of them were pouring out. I stood my ground not ten feet away from them. One of them groaned and the others followed. There was an extremely fat one with a pizza shirt. "Roly poly" I yelled while pointing at it.

I only had the glock and hatchet.

I bolted to the shack as fast as I could. After tackling one down I began beating its face to a pile of blood. One lurched at me. I countered it and through it to the ground. I bashed the back of its head open. I also stabbed one through the chin into its brain. There were little children things too. At first I though they were Mabel and Dipper until I realized that Mabel wasn't 4 inches taller then Dipper, she was only a millimeter by Soos's ruler. I bashed one in the face and the other I shot with the revolver. All of them were dead. "whew! finally" I said.

I went inside. nobody here. I went to the living room. Dead as those freaks out there. Kitchen? Nothing. I grabbed a meat cleaver out of the cupboard I got knocked out cold. "Oh fuck" I said out loud.

I got up and I seen Soos, Wendy, Dipper, and Mabel looking at me. "So What's the plan then" I asked them.

"get out there and fight those things out there" Dipper said.

"Who voted the kid as the president" I asked.

"Just the plan dude" Soos said.

"Let's roll" I said.

"were should we hit first" I asked.

" I think we should go check out the police station" Wendy said.

"Yeah I think that's a good idea" Mabel said.

"We should also check out the center of town. I seen a bunch of them heading towards there" I said.

"Okay, we ready to go" Soos asked.

We geared up on weapons. I had the shotgun and the meat cleaver. Soos had the rifle. Dipper had my glock. I had no idea why Mabel was coming but she had my bowey knife and revolver. Wendy had an ax and a sniper. We headed out for the police station. As we were walking there was about three off them. I crouched down and crawled over there. Soos had one of them with his scope. I had one with my cleaver. Wendy had her scopes on the last one. Slash!Bang!Bang! All three were dead. We continued to the station. We made it. I remembered I had the key from one of the police officers. I unlocked the door. In there were ten of them. We charged in and began shooting like Rambo. All were dead. I unlocked the armory. Shotguns, pistols, batons, and Riot armor. "Oh shit" I said. I Grabbed a couple of shotgun shells. Everybody just grabbed the armor. It was extremely cheap looking and would only probably fit me, Wendy, and Soos. "I think we could take all of it in case we meet any more friends" Dipper said.

"He's right" I said. We left and seen a van swerving down the road. It stopped in front of the place. A fat kid looked out the van and said"We got your status update Wendy"

"I guess we go with them" I said.

We all piled into the van and drove off. I seen Robbie. "Hey douche" I said to him.

He looked back at me and pulled a switch blade on me. "Woah you don't have to do that" Soos said

Robbie waved the knife in a threatening manner at Soos. Soos instantly backed down. I grabbed the sawed off in my pack and put it to Robbie's head. Everybody freaked out and we nearly crashed in to a pole. "Come on. You just brought a knife to a gun fight. I thought that was me and my ancestors job"

He dropped the tiny blade and looked forward again. Sweat dripping from his pale skin.

We drove into town and got dropped off. Me, Mabel, Dipper, Wendy, Soos, Nate, and Lee went to fight the undead. I pulled a molly out of my pack. It was pretty old, but it would most likely do. "Grenade out!" I yelled.

It was flying through the air and in an explosion it caught several of them on fire. We advanced into a firing line. We aimed, steadied the weapons, and fired. Only taking out a couple of them we changed tactics and just began firing like crazed men. I was the only one that wasn't waiting all of there ammo. It was because I had the shotty. After about two minutes we ran out of ammo. Or at least they did. "Fuck, out of ammo" Robbie yelled.

"Running low on gun juice" Dipper yelled.

"Guns running dry" Soos said after Dipper.

We all ran to the grocery store. I was the only one to split from the group. I ran to the sports section of the store and seen a wonderful sight. "Hey! Friends of minor use" I yelled at them.

There was baseball bats, crowbars, golf clubs, sledgehammers, baseball bats. Anything that could bash a brain in. I grabbed an ax. Soos grabbed a sledge hammer. Nate and lee both got a golf club each. Robbie had a little bitch gun. Mabel and Dipper grabbed a crowbar each. I decide to grab one too. "Now that I have this crowbar I could defend myself against a bar or a crow" I said to myself.

We ran to the front of the store. All of the dead were just crowded in the main entrance. I shot the last round into the glass. After it shattered all of them began pouring in. We were being bad ass zombie killers. There must of been twenty corpses at our feet. We began fleeing as soon as they grabbed me. I split its head in half and kicked its body away with the ax still lodged in its head. I ran back to the back of the little man store. "Oh shit! The door is locked" Robbie yelled. I began trying to pry the door open. "I think you should hold them back" Wendy said to me.

I nodded. "Robbie, little bitch gun. Now" I said to him.

He handed it over and I aimed at the little child zombie's head. I shot it. I only showed remorse for the living. Another one came around the corner. I shot it in the face. I heard a bang from the janitor's closet. The door busted down and it collapsed on me with seven zombies behind it. "This thing is crushing me" I gasped.

Soos and Wendy. Tried to lift it up but a zombie snapped at them. I shot a couple of them but ran out of ammo. One of them in the herd bit me on the hand. "Fuck" I yelled out. Wendy and Soos finally got the fucking door off of me. We ran to the alley way. "Okay you guys are going to have to lop this fucking arm off" I said to them.

"Why" Soos asked.

"Why don't we just do what he asks" Robbie said.

" I was fucking bit" I said to them.

They all gave a look of disbelief. Wendy never used her ax yet so it would have done just fine. "Put this through the door handles I said to Mabel. She obliged and did it. I laid my arm down on a pallet and backed my head away from were the ax was going. "Okay go as fast as you can" I said to her.

"And don't go-" I said before being cut off by Wendy's ax blade cutting into my arm.

"Fuuuuuccckckk" I yelled out loud. Mabel, Dipper, and Soos were hiding there eyes. "J-just keep going" I yelled at her. She chopped again sending chunks of flesh and bones flew into my face. She did an over-head chop and hit a couple inches in front of the original to gashes. "AHhhhh my arm" I quickly yelled out. She dropped the ax and went for the hatchet. She cut it off with one hack. I seen my arm off and then she put on a rag to stop all of the bleeding. I passed out from sheer fright . I awoke feeling as bad as you look (hehe Just kidding! Just kidding). "You were out for quite a while. We need to go" Wendy said.

I felt for my arm and guess what. It wasn't there anymore. " Oh fuck! I can still "feel" my fingers" I said.

We ran to the wall that separated us from death and life. I lifted everybody up the wall with my right and only arm. "What about you" Mabel asked. I'll be fine kiddo" I said to her.

I lifted her up the wall and slightly up-skirted her. A good image if I was going to die. I grabbed my hatchet from my pack and ran to the back of the alley. I seen a zombie, half eaten and holding a bunch of weapons in a pack. I stabbed it in the face and pulled out an UZI, another glock, a rifle, and a revolver. Also there was a whole hell of a lot ammo. I used the rifle and aimed at the crowbar. I shot it and it busted in half allowing them to come after me. I had the both packs on me. Mine was a duffel bag and the other one was a back pack. All of them were pouring out. I stood my ground not ten feet away from them. One of them groaned and the others followed. There was an extremely fat one with a pizza shirt. "Roly poly" I yelled while pointing at it.

I only had the glock and hatchet.


	4. Chapter 4: Finally

Hi I know how some of you don't like these kind of stories... I'm just kidding! I'm just kidding! HEHEHE! and I have not seen your corn cob pipe steve.

I was waiting for them mother fuckers to get close enough to shank. I glanced over and seen my face. Gee williker it was pale! One lurched at me and I went back with a side slash and took from the jaw up. BANG! BANG! BANG! BANG ! BANG! Five of them fell to the ground dead. "ahhhh" I yelled before over head stabbed one on its head. I stabbed one on the shoulder and it couldn't come out so I let go and got the good ol' cleaver. One grabbed on to my arm and reeled me in. I didn't like it and I cut the top of his head off. I grabbed the UZI out of the back pack and began spraying and praying. There was about 25 bodies on the floor. I ran out of ammo and I pulled the other glock out of the back pack and took down seven of them before running out of ammo. There was only 8.5 left. I grabbed a piece of broken glass on the ground and stabbed it in the eye. It was still alive so I chopped the top of its head off (I like chopping the top of things heads). I was basically hugging the wall now. I grabbed my bowey knife and began slashing my way out of this maze of loneliness and greed. The no legged one came up and tried to bite my dick off. "nunnununh!" I yelled before kicking it off of me. I walked up to it. It was still twitching. I stomped on its head with my bunny boots (military boots not little rabbit boots for you info).

I went all the way through the store and searched for them. I decided to look in the offices. I kicked the door down because I was pumped up with adrenaline. I searched through the man floor. Only a dead lady with a bullet in her head. I seen a couple of bloodied foot prints. I was about to leave until I seen something familiar. Some orange-Auburn hair and some muddy boot prints. I followed them until. BOOM! I was hit with a bat and got knocked down on my ass. "What the fuck was that for" I yelled at an ominousness figure. I was dragged into a room. A light came on and I seen my old friends. "Hey Buddies! What the fuck was that for" I yelled at them.

"So were the fuck is dipper and Robbie at" I asked them.'

"We split up as soon as more of them came" Wendy said.

"Okay dudes, Who should look for them" Soos asked.

"Who has the least to lose" Mabel asked

."Well Mabel has all of her friends and family. Soos has all of those sandwiches. Wendy has an ax and a family. And I, I just have a bag of weapons." I said to them.

"I'll just do it" I said to them.

"Why are we letting the one armed guy do this" Mabel asked.

"Because the one armed guy insists" I said to her.

"What is the worst thing that could happen? I get bitten again." I said in a very negative tone.

I only brought the glock and the cleaver. I went to an obvious building surrounded by undead. I came up to one and horizontally cut on its head. Another one came and I took its head off. I upper-cutted one of them with the meat cleaver. There was only five left. I just shot all of them in the face. I went into the building and see a women holding a man. They had a look of extreme fear in their eyes. I walked up to them and crouched in front of them. I smiled at them and said" I was sent by somebody very special. Now go to the office on third street" I said to them.

They just took off running at the news. I can't believe they believed it. I went to the post office. In there I heard some people talking. It sounded like two bitches. I knocked on the door to the office. "Who is it" Robbie asked

"It's Santa Claus" I yelled at them.

The door came open and there was Robbie and Dipper. dipper had a black eye. "What happened" Robbie asked. "Oh you know just grabbing a good piece of sandwich then killing some zombies. Just some regular stuff." I said to him.

"I don't care what happened to you let's just go" Robbie said.

"You can't talk to me like that private!" I yelled at him.

"What the fuck did you just call me" Robbie asked me.

There was an awkward silence until Dipper busted out laughing. Robbie didn't like it so he a jumped on top of Dipper and began ground and pound on Dipper. I freaked out and yelled"Get off of him you son of a bitch!". I grabbed him by his hood and threw him to the ground. I then shot him three times in the chest and then in the head. Dipper got up and seen Robbie's corpse on the floor. Dipper just stared in shock. Then a smile of satisfaction. "Bro-fist" I yelled before we fist bumped. I grabbed his hood and dragged him away with us. As soon there was one zombie in sight. I dropped him in front of it.

We went back to the office and met up with the rest of them. "Were's Robbie at" Wendy asked with tears forming in her eyes.

"Come with me my child" I said to her.

I brought her out in the hall. "He got nabbed on the way by three of them I took out two but he got away and ran into a bigger mob and was torn to pieces" I said to her.

She began sobbing and bear-hugged me. I sat down on the floor with her still holding on to me.

We then walked back to the shack, sat down on the couch, Popped open a pitt cola, and watched Duck-Tective.

Pretty good if you ask me.


	5. Chapter 5: Groovy!

The reason I didn't make any chapters was because my dad was drinking and my grandma passed. But that's over and I got the taco dog with me.

As we were watching duck-tective I looked at the mirror and I was more pale then the taco dog. He was an albino black lab. My stomach lurched. "Hhmmm" I said before nearly puking my guts up.

"I need to use the bathroom" I said to them.

No response. I ran to the hallway and up the stairs to the bathroom. "Huuuuuwwwwaaahhh" I yelled while puking.

"Oh fuck" I yelled.

I flushed the vomit down the drain. I looked in the mirror and my eyes were blood shot. I fell down and busted my lip on the floor. I just barely got up there was a little drop on the floor despite the miniature gash on my lip. I sat down on the floor and couldn't think and I was seeing stars. I barely lifted myself up and staggered to the living room. "I'm too FUBAR to even think" I said to myself

I fell down in the middle of the hallway. I passed out. I was hearing voices and could see figures but couldn't tell who they were. I heard scrambling and squalling. I had no dreams and had a peaceful rest apart from the pushing on my chest. I woke up. But just barely. "What the fuck happened" I asked them.

"You passed out and we thought you were dead" Mabel said.

"Fuck" I said.

"How long was I out" I asked them.

"A day" Soos said.

"Damn man! Seriously." I said.

I got up and seen my face in the mirror. I was still more pale then the taco dog. I sat back down and tried to think. I looked at my left arm. "Where the fuck is my arm I yelled out loud.

"It was sort of chopped off by me" Wendy said.

"Sort of!? My fucking arm is gone" I yelled out.

'Technically your only missing half of your lower arm" Dipper said.

I was laid down on Dipper's bed and had slept for most of the day. I woke up at three in the morning by the banging on the door. I grabbed the glock on the shelf and silently crept to the back door. As you might have guessed it was a zombie. I put the pistol on the counter and opened the door. I was backing up just fast enough to get away from it. I grabbed a hammer on the table and approached it. I busted its face in. It fell down with a splatter of blood, brains, and a dollar. I picked the dollar up and pocketed it. I grabbed it and dragged it outside.

I went back inside and heard a big bang. My theory is that it was something with gunpowder in it. Everybody woke up instantly. I looked outside to see a FUCKING tank. It was accompanied by about forty soldiers. They were fighting against about 100 zombies. I ran to the gun bag and grabbed all of my weapons. "It's time to fight against these meat bags.

I had the glock obviously. Wendy had a rifle. Dipper had a little bitch gun. Soos had a shotty. Mabel also had a little bitch gun. Soos and Wendy had S.W.A.T vests on. We hot wired Stan's car and drove to the middle of town. It took us about an hour to get there. The tank firing went down and we could here nothing but the wind. We jumped out and walked to the exact center of the town. I seen a dead military guy. I stripped him off his supplies. HE had a canteen, an AR-15 a couple mags, and a Beretta. Those were the only things I really of liked. We continued on. Their was a dead S.W.A.T officer on the ground. I nudged him in the head. No response. I Pulled his helmet off and he lurched at me. I quickly jumped out of the way and shot him. I looted his billy club, chest plate, helmet, tazer, and some greaves. I equipped all of the armor and put all of the weapons in my duffel bag. My bag was getting pretty heavy and full. I put it on like a back pack. It was kind of hard. With the missing arm and blood loss obviously. We ran to the tank's last known position. I glanced over and seen a sillouete(Don't know how to spell).

I heard a shot. It came from the ominous figures position. I sprawled to the ground and shot at the attacker. I looked behind me. My heart nearly stopped. I seen Dipper laying on the ground. I ran to him and said "Dipper no! Wake up, Wake up. Don't be dead! Don't be dead"

I turned him over and looked for a wound. I looked at his face. There was the biggest smile on his face. I knew now he was awake. So I said "Dipper I know . now know your alive. So get up."

HE opened his eyes and reached his tiny hand out to me. I clenched it and pulled him up. The rest of the group had a puzzled expression. "What!? Is it all of a sudden illegal for a native to show affection to a white" I asked them. They shook there head.

We continued to Main St. In the middle of the road there was a whole mob of zeds. I pulled my mini/big stereo and a Metallica CD out. I cranked it up to full volume. "If we're gonna die might as well die with some good music. The zed heard the heavy metal song and limped towards us. I rotated my head 90 degrees and seen a 50 Cal. I had the expression of a five year old that just got a bright, shiny, red fire truck. I ran to it and seen it had no ammo. I seen a box filled to the brim with bullets. I picked one up. It was chained together so I opened the top of the gun and I placed one bullet in the thing. I was locked, cocked, and ready to rock. I pulled the thing on the side and began firing. It was deafening but it had the ability to give anyone an adrenaline rush. As I was shooting them to bits and pieces. 'Don't open your mouth or you'd get bits of zombies in them" I yelled.

There were a couple behind us but my loyal people took them out. I heard jets and seen the less populated part of town get plastered with napalm. "Dipper! look in my pack for a black radio" I yelled.

Dipper opened the bag and search for it. "I got it' He yelled.

"now search around on the radio for those bombers" I said to him.

After what seemed like minutes he reached the pilots. I wondered how he reached them. They were saying that they needed us to clear out while they napalm the area. " we'll clear them out, you just fly away to your base thing" I said to them.

After a couple hours of blasting through undead we thought it was over. We all walked around the town. There was little pocket of survivors the only real damage was the rich folks that lived in the western side they were all infected. all but Pacifica, I hated her. We were praised as heroes and we got to clean up rotting corpses and rebuild some places. Not a real big deal.


	6. Chapter 6: Woaa Momma

The reason I haven't been updating is that I'm having writer's bloc, I have to help my dad stop with a drinking binges. And to clear this up I didn't make the last two chapters in a timely manner is that I was at my GRANDMA'S funeral. Now let's read some goddamn cartoons!

I was bored as a sack of potatoes at the shack and decided to read Dipper's book."Come on man, just for a few minutes?"I pleaded. Dipper sighed and handed me the book."I've memorized most of it anyway, but I still want it back!"After flipping through a couple of pages but I stopped at one with a sexy ass hair flowed down her back elegantly; the shape of her boobs and ass were absolutely perfect. That and the fact she was naked. My boner nearly broke the zipper of my only pair of shorts.

"Now that's a sight for sore eyes" I would have continued, but A. I only had one hand that could hold the book, and B. it said, "magical healer" at the top. " Deep within the forests of Gravity Falls lives a beautiful woman, but her looks are not the only thing she has. She has spent years, studying the art of restoration and could heal any wound or disease... For a price. I had a mental debate with myself. "Should I go or not. Well what've I got to lose? Should probably bring the twins along, they could come in handy! Well I don't think I have time for that.. but fuck it I want my hand back!

I ran downstairs and told the twins about the healer, and how she could heal my arm, and showed them the picture."Hmmm, I wonder why you never told me about her Dipper?" Mabel asked, a playful smile on her face. Dippers was a beet red, but I didn't care. I just wanted my arm back. It's getting hard to do the things every man wants to master the arts of fighting.

After a few minutes, and with a little unneeded help from the twins, I was ready to go into the woods. Dipper and Mabel obviously weren't as conditioned to pain or fatigue as me and they couldn't even keep up with me at a decent paced jog. And on top of that they couldn't run through thorns. They were just a big nuisance. They just kept blabbing on and on.

**After an hour of walking I was completely pissed by them twins. **

"Will you just shut the fuck up both of you! Goddamn if you want me to go insane just continue" I yelled at them. I tears flowing out of their eyes. "You think I really give a flying fuck you two are crying!" I yelled at them. They were in a full out sob.

"Goddamn Destin! You just snapped at the only people that give a fuck about you, you Dumb ass!" I screamed at myself mentally. "OK you two how about this, I will give you forty dollars each and we can go to the mall after we fix my arm if you stop the waterworks" I said to them. "OK!" they said in unison.

"What have you done you dumb ass!" I yelled at myself in my head. "So why did you freak out on us like that?" Dipper asked. "It is because I have a lot of pent up anger and I have bad anger issues" I said to them. "So why do you have so much pent up anger?" Mabel asked.

I brought my head back and made a puzzled expression. "What the fuck did you say girl?" I asked her angrily. " I-I-I just asked why you had so much pent up anger". A tear nearly fell out of my eye but I stopped it because true men don't cry about the past. "None of yo biznatch!" I said to her. I looked up and seen a magnificent tree fort type of thing.

I seen some smoke filtering out of a chimney on top of it. There were rope and pulley system that carried what looked to be water and heavy items. I ran to the giant bucket thing and began pulling myself to the top. Mabel and Dipper barely pulled them selves up and I was forced to help them up. We got to the end of the line and we jumped up to the walkway. I seen the same women as in the picture except she seemed to have a slight glow to her. I heard divine whistling. I went to the door of the hut and opened it up. She had a mortar and pestle and was grounding some berries and something else. She gasped and grabbed for a dagger made of what looked like obsidian, strange I never seen any obsidian around this area. She jumped at me and pinned me down. As she was completely naked and she was on top of me I got the biggest boner. It was like those games were you had to rapidly press A or B to get an enemy off you or you die. Except this was real life. I only had one hand and she had two and on top of that she had inhuman strength. I got enough breathing room and kicked her off of me. I pulled out a good ol' steel knife out of my boot and mounted on top of her. I was just about to stab here right in the temple but both of the twins stopped me by grabbing my hand and forcing it out of my hand. A smile played across the healer's face. " I never seen a mortal fight with such vigor, passion, and ferocity. And by the looks of it, my human form appeals to your sexual desires" I was pretty sure I was blushing because I felt my cheeks burning. "Y-Y-yes" I said.

"Well it is physically impossible for a mortal to live past any sexual acts with such a being as myself. I slightly looked down and said"OK" in a very sad tone. "But I could possibly make a remedy for your arm if you gather the materials for me" She said. "It will be done. By the way, what is your true name" I asked her. My name given to me by my Father, ilios and my mother, Selene is astéri" She said. I brought my head back quickly and asked this" How old are you"

She had a puzzled look and had to use her fingers to count. After what seemed like days she said" I am 33,975,259, 371, 009 years old( I bet over half of you were too lazy to even read this)". " You need to collect two Eagle eggs, the horn of a man-i-tour, a sample of every mountain flower, one ounce of gold dust, and a crystal which could be any type you desire.

I decided it was enough questions and I tilted my hat to her and she bowed back to me. " I guess I'll be going" I said to her.


	7. Chapter 7: Ain't Nobody got time for Dat

I don't like pinecest nor do I hate it, I'm mutual about it. Also I love you guys, we had a good summer together. And if you like Youtube videos you should check at least one of them at Nooby Titus. Only one has m voice and me talking because it's hard for me to understand how to work Fraps.

As I was searching around for all of the things I commanded the twins to find some crystals and all those flowers. "So what is a man-i-tor?" I asked Dipper before we split up. "it's a half bull half human that lives up in one of those mountains that are completely dedicated to manliness" he exclaimed. "Heh, I'll believe it when I see crabs jumpin' on peoples heads and turnin' em into zombies" I said to him in a mocking tone.

I did a regular paced jog half the way until I fell into a thorn bush. "Ahhhh god dammit" I yelled out loud. I was careful not to use my hands to get up and used the sleeves of my Hydez sweater. I continued on into the forest "Man this is nothing compared to Alaska. It's a lot more warm up there in the summers than down here" I said to myself. I sat down on a log waiting for Gordon Freeman, or Barney, or even that one guy to come. Man it was indeed a white looking forest in some places. I got up and continued at a jog. I was honestly tired of the twins.

As I was passing up one hill there was many trees apparently knocked down by some external force. I was fatigued and had to sit down for a goddamned minute. Carrying over 75 pounds of weapons and supplies on just one arm. Hmmmpphh, might as well check out whats in here. Knife obviously, 14.20 shotgun, rifle, some pain killers, antibiotics, S.W.A.T chest plate... Wait I might as well put that on. Hold on a sec audience. (Technical difficult)

Well back to listing stuff you don't care about. Syringes, cola, cans of random food, Beretta m9, a couple of ammo boxes, some adrenaline, a half melted candy bar, a couple of comics about Batman, a tazer, some tazer cartridges, a needle and a couple feet of thread, a couple of lighters, a steel pipe, an arrowhead(for cauterizing wounds), and"How to read" book and that was about it. I continued trudging up the hill. "I'm going up the country, come and go with me if you want to" I sang to myself.

To pass some time I remembered the notes to my piano lessons. "Err A, B, F sharp(?) something... BAh! I can't even remember the notes to Piano Mans background rifts!" I yelled into the air. I then ran across a crevice. "Shit" I said to myself.

Sorry it was short, but ain't nobody got time for dat!


End file.
